Relations in flux… among other things

Hmm… well, its been about 2 1/2 weeks now since I flipped the switch to living fully to family and job… full-time otherwise three months now.  Yesterday was  day three at work, and everything seems to be ok there; pretty much all who work directly with me are conversant, some more than others, and I increasingly find myself more engaged in the conversations, especially among the other women.  As for the home front/family, well, outside of a few text messages here and there, I have not so much as seen anyone remotely for over three weeks, or more.  No direct conversation either, for that matter, which presents the curious dilemma of when such does occur, do I talk naturally or let my voice drop….

I’ve been on hormone therapy now for a full five months, and recently added baby aspirin, vitamin D and calcium to the daily intake as per my surgeon.  I’m also planning on being more aggressive on my bike, as I have also been instructed to shed some pounds and lower my BMI.  She’s a stickler for fit patients, which sounds good to me.  And actually I am really looking forward to doing some serious riding  this summer… I had to change a tube this morning and let me tell you, oh what fun with nails.  But the gel polish really holds up incredibly well.

Now, living fully for the first time, even the little things, the nuances, reactions, daily things, take on new meaning.  On the social side, I’m seeing the change in how people relate to me, especially men.  Most now go out of their way to hold the door open, always allowing me to go before them.  The post office, the coffee shop, even at work now among co-workers, they get the door and stand to the side, and even if they were mid-stream in entering, they’ve actually stopped to hold it and let me through. 

Another change:  my landlord’s interactions.  With all of the snow we’ve gotten this year, its meant quite a bit of cleaning.  Last year, I was out there shoveling a path to the driveway, and cleaning off my car myself, and he got out his snowblower and took care of the driveway.   This year; practically every storm, when I’ve gone out to shovel, he’s told me that he will take care of it, and when I manage to head out, my car is cleaned off completely.  This has been an amazingly major perk of being in an apartment this year, I haven’t really had to clear much at all except for my immediate entry, stairs and such.  So while I wonder about the  dynamics – he is a really good, understanding guy, and very cute too – I do honestly feel there’s been a role change here.  Not that I’m complaining.

Big adventure on the horizon:  I was invited out to dinner and bar,”sort of a girls’ night out and guy cruise thing…”  This is a major departure for me, representing an entire shift in thinking, in preferences, well in many things…  one thing I really, truly did not expect to occur with hormones, but it has and well, I’ll just be open to anything and see where events lead me.  It’s time to move beyond preconceived notions and biases, and figure out just exactly who I am and how I choose to live, and potentially with whom… and all without projecting, but simply hanging on to that rollercoaster and living in the moment.  And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a wonderful feeling.


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