Laser adventures and coping with expectation

Another day of firsts… after realizing I could put it off no longer, I had my first session of laser on what will become in October my vagina.  Fun?  Oh yeah…. almost as much as going to the dentist, but not quite.  Actually, with the exception of a few very painful spots, which caused me to rise off the table, it wasn’t so bad.  I was a little uncomfortable about it, actually more for my laser tech, who is a wonderful person and put me immediately at ease.  I commented that this must be a first for her, and surprisingly, she said it wasn’t, which made me feel even better.  All-in-all I guess it was about 30 minutes, and then we were done.  I am to receive 4 treatments, each of which consists the primary clearing visit, followed by a “touch-up” a week later.  So that makes eight total… oh joy…  But it needs be done; I really do not want any hairs growing inside my vagina, and my surgeon is a stickler for hair removal, even thought she will cauterize and scrape away follicles during the surgery.  Just another step in the process, a process now that really is a checklist more than anything else.

I was told again by a friend this morning how much she admires me for having the dedication to keep on moving through al of these necessary steps to reach my final goals.  And how I possibly inspire others and that people “look up” to me.  Trying not to be modest really, these statements simply confound me at times.  My friend had seen a recent post on my FB, complaining that I cannot live up to others’ expectations, and I truly do feel that way.  I think certain people have this image of my being strong and confident and unbreakable 24/7…. well, I can assure you that nothing is further from the truth.  I am just like everyone else with like foibles, and a few unique to me, and it is hard at times to hear these things and simply let life take its course.  I’ve begun study of Judaism and specifically Kabbalah recently, which has me even more introspective the usual, and thinking on this, if I can be a positive role model, if someone in transition or about to start can gain even a shred of valued advice, if through my simply living I touch someone on their journey… then I shall be truly humbled.  It’s not a competition to see who’s better or more authentic or does more for the community – although there are plenty out there who would make it so.  It’s the singular most important decision and journey one will ever undertake during their life…. ever.  If I am able to help even one, then I have made something, have paid back a little….

Yesterday found me enjoying a day of beauty.  Right before the start, I got called from work to come in for an overtime in the evening, which I was happy to do, and then off to start the day.  First stop, Kathryn’s Hair Boutique in Babylon and a roots treatment and cut.  She also recommended and did some “lowlights” as my hair really started to go more blonde with the sun.  For styling, she suggested a brazilian treatment for my bangs to help keep then straight and unfrizzed….  And omg it came out so awesome looking, I was so very happy.  My hair has been perhaps the single most important change for me that has just so made me happy with myself and my appearance…. it’s huge to me.  But I’m still getting used to trading in my $19 haircut for the new, vastly improved $90 model, ex tip, yesterday.  LOL… my monthly upkeep has jumped like 500%…. it’s not easy being a girl, let alone cheap.

Then it was off to Best Nails for removal of my old Jessica enamels and a new coat.  I decided to go back to a light pink shade, as it’s a bit more demure and not as “pop” as the last, which was a bright reddish-pink color.  They came out great, and while there, I had my eyebrows waxed and cleaned up.  No caterpillars here….. Then it was to home, a quick meal of sautéed chicken, broccoli, olives and tomato in garlic and oil.  And off to work.

Next week presents another challenge; I finally called the referrals I had for a new general practitioner, and made the appointment for early next week.  My surgeon requires a complete physical, ekg with report, chest x-ray panel, and of course full blood work, so next week I start work on satisfying all of that.  I also need to procure my two letters of recommendation for surgery, which are not issues for me really.  All must be completed a month in advance.

So such is my life… simply living and dealing with normative everyday issues as a normal person living, and hoping, and dreaming, and struggling, just like everyone else.  And that is what it was all about from the beginning actually, and that it what makes me so very happy… it’s just that simple.  On a side note, working last evening and answering the MMU line for aircraft clearances, it was saddening to realize Stacy will never again be on the other end… but I know she is happy and at peace…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: