120 Days Out and still feeling like a mutant

Yes… today marks 120 days out from my gender corrective surgery, as I like to call it.  120 days…. all I can say is wow.  This time is flying by so very fast, it’s simply amazing.  Before I know it, I will be packing my bags and heading to New Hope.  New Hope…. rather auspicious that.  Almost everything is started or completed for October, the only thing left remaining is to make a hotel/B&B reservation for my recovery period after surgery.  I simply cannot imagine what it’s going to feel like waking up the very first time following surgery… I just can’t… it will simply be so incredible, and though I feel it will be an emotional experience, I do not anticipate having any sort of “PPD…” post-penile depression.  LoL.

This afternoon following work, I went to see the new “X-Men: First Class” movie. -SPOILER ALERT –  How was it you ask?  Umm, it was ok… honestly, while I think the concept great, I think the plot-line and characters could have been better.  I really didn’t care for a few of the featured mutants on both sides, and though the cameo with Wolverine was worth a laugh, it was kinda cheesy.  But they neatly tied everything together, from Charles and Erik, to Mystique’s connecting with Magneto, to the Beast’s maturation of his abilities.

While I love action/superhero movies, and while I did enjoy this one for the most part, it did hit me in spots.  I found several dialogues in the movie hit me very close to home, sadden me actually, and think of my own ~ ALL OUR own ~ experiences.  For example… Erik tells Mystique to not be afraid to show herself, that she’s so concerned about being accepted by everyone else but cannot accept herself.  Or how she tells the Beast that he has finally found himself and is living as he is supposed to.  And so it went in several places in the movie, focusing on living true, or hiding one’s talents, to discussing the oppression they are subjected to by society generally.  Yeah, we as a community share alot of commonality, I believe, with the mutants, even down to the diverging views on how to proceed, as Magneto’s rebellious nature comes to life, only to be countered by Charles’ more conciliatory approach.  Kind of like our community at this time….

I don’t know why movies will touch my inner soul so forcefully at times like this one did.  I suppose it’s related to my being a “deep person,” as my therapist, and others, find me to be.  I just find myself very sensitive to these parallels to what we face in trying to be ourselves each and every day.  Funny, but as I was leaving the theater with the hundreds that were in the movie, the one thing that popped into my mind was “hiding in plain view…”  I wonder, will that feeling -ever- go away….  Will I ever achieve a point in my life where being “special,” being a mutant in today’s world, no longer crosses my mind?  I like to think that one day I will, that simply living will no longer involve any thoughts whatsoever about my past.  It’s still a work in progress… hopefully, October will tear away most of the fabric left of the past, helping to weave the new future.


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